“I wanted to help… but I didn’t know what to say.”
When a friend confided in Tunde about her experience of sexual assault, his first reaction was silence.
Not because he didn’t care, but because he was afraid of saying the wrong thing.
So he said nothing.
Moments like this happen every day. And they matter more than we realize.
Every April, conversations about sexual violence increase. Campaigns are launched. Stories are shared. Awareness grows.
But when the month ends, the question remains: what actually changes?
If we are serious about ending sexual violence in Nigeria, awareness alone is not enough. We need action, and that starts with allyship.
Being an ally is not about being perfect. It is about being intentional.
It starts with how we respond.
When a survivor shares their experience, your response can either create safety or deepen harm.
Instead of questioning or doubting them, simple words can make a difference:
- “I believe you.”
- “Thank you for telling me.”
- “How can I support you?”
These responses validate their experience and create space for healing.
On the other hand, victim-blaming responses, like asking what they were wearing or why they didn’t speak up earlier, can reinforce shame and silence.
But allyship does not stop at conversations.
It also means challenging the everyday behaviors that normalize sexual violence.
This includes:
- Speaking up when someone makes harmful jokes
- Questioning stereotypes that blame survivors
- Refusing to ignore situations that feel wrong
In many Nigerian communities, silence is often seen as respect. But when it comes to sexual violence, silence protects harm, not people.
For men and boys especially, allyship is critical.
Sexual violence is often framed as a “women’s issue,” but it is a societal issue. Men have a key role to play in:
- Modeling respectful behavior
- Holding peers accountable
- Promoting consent in relationships
Real allyship also means connecting survivors to support.
Across Nigeria, services exist, but many people are unaware of them.
Initiatives like TechHer’s Sexual and Gender-Based Violence (SGBV) Emergency Response Fund provide urgent support, helping survivors access medical care, legal assistance, and psychosocial services when time is critical.
Other organisations, including the Mirabel Centre, DSVA, and EVA, continue to provide essential support, advocacy, and safe spaces.
Being an ally means knowing that support exists, and helping people access it.
It also means supporting policies and systems that protect survivors, including the implementation of laws like the VAPP Act.
But most importantly, allyship is not a one-time action.
It is a continuous process of:
- Learning
- Unlearning
- Speaking up
- Showing up
It requires honesty.
Ask yourself:
- Do I understand consent?
- Do I challenge harmful behavior?
- Do I create a safe space for others?
The goal is not perfection. It is progress.
Sexual Assault Awareness Month is a reminder, but real change happens in what we do after the conversations end.
Because awareness starts the conversation.
But action is what changes lives.
Where to Get Help or Support
If you or someone you know needs support:
- TechHer SGBV Emergency Response Fund
Email: sgbvemergencyfund@gmail.com
Whatsapp/Phone Number: 07046472730
- Mirabel Centre
Phone number: 0815577000, 08187243468, 07013491769
- Lagos DSVA
Email: info@lagosdsva.org
Phone number: 08000333333
- Education As A Vaccine (EVA)
For confidential and non-judgmental information, counselling, and referrals, please contact MYQ Services through any of the channels below:
SMS: 38120
(Free on MTN and Airtel networks)
WhatsApp: 08027192781
Hotline: 08006978378466
(Toll-free on all networks)
For Emergency GBV Response:
Call: 07046472730
You are not alone. Support is available.